Category: Humor

MoochBucks

I was enticed to ride Allamuchy under the promise that when we got to the top of the mountain, there would be a food court where could pick up quick snacks and chill out under the canopy of umbrella’s for a bit, in order that we could recharge. Gullible as I am, I thought that sounded great and went along with the ruse. As I endured several miles of relentless bone shaking and traversing through trails disturbingly named after facets of human suffering (Cardiac Ditch), I kept a firm vision in my mind of what this food pavilion would look like. It’s wonderful smells flashed through my imagination and sparked my motivation to press forward. However, there were no restaurants, no umbrellas, no relaxing music, no place to put our feet up and unwind. The ride felt like a descent through all of Dante’s concentric circles of torment. Instead of MoochBucks, we got a giant, unrelenting pile of rocks. Keep pressing forward folks and together we will find the great food court on the trails.

 

Unleashing The Spirit of Temperance Wick’s Horse

The first ride of 2024 for me was at Lewis Morris, because I woke up and felt the spirit of Temperance Wick’s horse calling me. Legend has it that Wick was accosted by mutineers of the Continental Army who tried to steal her horse in December of 1780. She made a cunning escape, then hid the horse inside of a room in her family’s house. Talk about a house smelling like a barn! Anywho, so the mutineers left the Jockey Hollow area for Princeton on January 1st 1781, and that is when Wick freed the horse from the confines of the house.

Between that and having a lot of wonderful chefs and bakers in my family and having to burn off all of the holiday food and desserts they’ve been generously feeding me over the past few weeks; a ride at Lew Mo was much needed. Not the best photo, but I think it captures the spirit of a horse who has been cooped up indoors and is finally free to do what it was born to do. Ride free in 2024 friends!

3 Quick MTB reviews

Here is my latest MTB review. For 3 days in a row, my friends and I woke up bright and early and rode at sunrise. To write these quick and brief reviews of the trails we rode, I’ll use songs to help me out.

The first day was a workday so I could only do a quick ride before work. That was at Gedar Crove. First time there! That ride felt like Christopher Cross’s “Ride Like The Wind” Lots of fast, flowy and punchy trails that are one foot on the edge of wilderness and the other foot on the edge of suburbia. Although I wasn’t on my way “to the border of Mexico” I did feel like I had “such a long way to go” not because I’m Outlaw Josey Wales or anything like that, but because I had to get in and out there quickly so I could make it to my day job on time. The only way to do that was to stay focused and “Ride like the wind.” It was unfortunate that we felt rushed, because there were a lot of nice features like skinnies and jumps that we passed up. So this trail goes on the places I have to go back to list.

The second day was Lewis Mörris. The trail reroute of the switchbacks to the more downhill trail is awesome! That ride felt like “Burnin’ For You” by Blue Öyster Cult. We all know Lew Mö is flowy like Zoë, but those uphills are murder! After 12 miles, I heard my legs sing out, “I’m burning, I’m burning, I’m burning for you.”

Third day was Sterling. This day was a little different, because in my mind, I split it into two distinct rides. The first is an in/out. We rode Augusta Mine/McKeags trails to the end and back a couple of times. 2 miles each way, plus sessioning a section that we really liked. That added up to about 10 miles or so.

The second is a 9 mile loop starting at Redback in the south facing direction, then Flow works north. Overall it was a lot of fun and so far these trails were like “Rock Hard, Ride Free” (Judas Priest), but then my muscles hit a wall on northbound Palisades 17 trail. Not a literal wall. More like a wall of muscles depleted of glycogen. After 19 miles at Sterling, my muscles just said “I’m done.” And that trail was like “Whipping Post” (Allman Brothers)

“Sometimes I feel, sometimes I feel,

Like I’ve been tied to the whippin’ post.

Tied to the whippin’ post, tied to the whippin’ post.

GOOD LORD, I FEEL LIKE I’M DYIN’

Happy riding friends

\m/

It Repels Mosquitos and Bobcats

Amazon wanted to know if the UNICHE Bike Presta Valve Cap met my expectations. Boy did it ever!!! It may not look like much, but I’ve been saving up all year for this upgrade. In name it is a mere Presta Valve Cap, but in reality it is so much more than that.

Because of the advanced aerodynamics of this part, it really changed the way I am approaching riding. I could feel the difference right away from the moment I fastened this cap to my bike’s valve stem. When riding up steep hills that I have struggled with so many times in the past, the streamlined contours of the cap seemed like it did all of the hard work for me. It didn’t just take the air that I was cutting into and displace it so it traveled the opposite direction behind me. It took that air, displaced it behind me, but then it actually wrapped around the bike, turned around and funneled that air directly behind my back, and then it went in the same direction as my travel and it actually pushed me forward*** (please see schematic engineering diagram below, which visually illustrates this concept).

Another advantage that I took note of is that it emits a sound frequency which is inaudible to human ears, but it fends off mosquitos, gnats, ticks and spiders. And that’s just with one cap on one tire. If you put caps on both tires, it doubles the volume of the pest control frequency and that repels black bears, bobcats, venomous snakes, hikers, dog walkers and whatnot. It is written in the owners manual that this nightmarish sound haunts the dreams of pests, so they are deathly afraid to go anywhere near it. When not riding, I will be wearing one around my neck.

Another advantage of this cap is the particular shade of green. There is nothing technical, mechanical or scientific about that. I just like the color green. Best $7.50 ever spent.

Here is a technical schematic that demonstrates the efficient aerodynamic properties of this advanced Presta Valve Cap.